There are many ways to create a family. Some children have their parents through birth, others through adoption, fostering, or with the help of an egg donor. Every family’s story is unique and worth celebrating.
After the excitement of finally welcoming your long-awaited baby, you may wonder how to one day explain to them the special way they came into the world. It can feel like a big conversation, but with warmth and openness, it can become a natural and positive part of your family story.
In this blog, we’ll talk about why sharing their story is important, when to start the conversation, how to explain it at different ages, examples of what you can say, and tips to help you feel confident and proud when you do.
Should I tell my child that they are an egg donor baby?
Families come together in many ways. You may be a solo parent, a same-sex couple, or have faced medical reasons that led you to use an egg donor. Your donor might be someone you know or a donor from an egg bank program.
Whatever your story, it’s important for children to grow up knowing their origins. Knowing where we come from helps us understand who we are, from our genetic makeup to our medical history. This information can be important later in life, especially for health reasons. Research has also shown that this is the best practice for the donor-conceived child.
Telling your child from an early age makes their story a normal part of life. This means there’s no need for a big, one-off “talk” later on – they grow up always knowing. Being open also helps avoid potential risks later in life, for example, unknowingly forming a relationship with someone who may be biologically related.
Some parents worry that telling their child might make them a target for teasing, but keeping it a secret can have its own risks. Secrets can slip out unexpectedly, and finding out from someone else can hurt trust. It can also send the message that you’re ashamed of how your family was created, when in fact, it’s a story full of love.
When should I tell my child that we used an egg donor?
The best time to start is early. You can share their story in small, age-appropriate ways as they grow, so it becomes a natural part of who they are. This will:
- Make the story feel normal and positive.
- Avoid the shock or hurt that can come from finding out later.
- Help them weave it into their identity naturally over time.
- Build trust and strengthen your bond.
- Give them early access to information about their genetic and medical background. In Australia, they can receive this at the age of 16 or 18, depending on the state.
Think of it as an ongoing conversation, not a single moment. You don’t have to tell them everything all at once. You can add more detail as they’re ready to understand.
How do I tell my child that they are donor-conceived?
Infancy
You can start before they even understand. Many parents talk about their family story while feeding, bathing, or cuddling their baby. This helps you practise telling it in a relaxed, loving way.
Toddlers
Keep it very simple by teaching them basic facts: babies grow from an egg and sperm, and sometimes parents need help to have a baby. Then explain that someone called a donor gave an egg to help make them. Remember to use the correct words for body parts, and talk about different kinds of families.
Pre-school years
Children at this age can understand a little more. Books about donor conception can help explain the story visually. Keep your words positive and clear, and be ready to answer literal questions, like “Was I a chicken egg?”
Early primary school
Children may start to understand genetics and wonder what traits they share with you and what might come from their donor. Use these questions as opportunities for open, honest chats.
Later primary and teen years
If you haven’t told them yet, be prepared for a more emotional response. Older children and teenagers may feel self-conscious, shocked, or even angry. Give them space and time to process. Reassure them that your love hasn’t changed and never will.
What are some examples of what I can say to my egg donor child?
Heterosexual parents
“We wanted to have you for so long. We couldn’t make you on our own and needed some help. All babies start from an egg from a woman and sperm from a man, and you did too. A kind person gave us an egg to help make you. The doctor put the egg with Dad’s sperm, and you started to grow inside Mum. We will always be your parents, love you forever, and be grateful to our donor for helping us have you.”
Same-sex fathers using a donor egg and surrogacy
“Dad and I wanted to have you for such a long time. To make a baby, you need a part from a man, sperm, and a part from a woman, an egg, and then those parts need to grow inside a woman’s tummy. Two very special women helped us have you. (Donor’s name) gave her egg, and (surrogate’s name) carried you until you were ready to be born. We are so proud of you and so happy to be a family at last.”
Same-sex mothers using an egg donor
“We really wanted to have you and become a family. All babies start from an egg from a woman and sperm from a man. We had the sperm, but we needed an egg. Our donor gave us one so we could have you. The doctor put the egg inside Mum, and you started to grow. We will always love you and be your parents. We’re so grateful to our donor for helping us make you.”
Double donation (donor egg and donor sperm)
“We tried and tried to make you, but we needed help from two generous people. One gave us an egg and one gave us sperm. The egg and sperm came together to start growing into you. You grew in Mum’s tummy until you were ready to be born. We are so thankful to the donors who helped us have you.”
Our best tips on explaining egg donation to your child
- Be confident and proud. Your tone matters more than the exact words you use. If you show pride in your family’s story, your child will feel secure.
- Don’t make it the only thing about them. It’s one part of their story, but it doesn’t define them completely.
- Honour the donor, but keep it balanced. Speak with high regard for the donor without making them into a superhero figure.
- Make it ongoing. This isn’t a one-time talk, so keep the door open for future questions.
- Expect different reactions. Your child might be curious, quiet, emotional, or even indifferent. All responses are normal and may change over time.
Explaining egg donation to your child can feel daunting at first, but it’s really about sharing a story of love, hope, and the extraordinary journey you took to become a family. By being open, proud, and age-appropriate, you give your child the gift of knowing who they are and how deeply they were wanted.
If you’d like more guidance or want to learn more about our egg donation programs, we’d be happy to talk. Contact Central Egg Bank and let us help you take the next step in your family story.
